The things you learn

It's amazing what you learn about yourself. It seems like the older I get, the less I understand who I am. Or the older I get, the more I see that I have so much to learn about myself, maybe that's a better way to put it.

It's funny to see yourself in your kids. Sometimes its good, and sometimes I cringe that they got that particular characteristic from me. I was thinking about Bryce and how order oriented he is. How he loves to know the next thing that's going to happen. He thrives with rules and it's very important to him to have rules & consequences and to him, it's especially important that those rules are enforced. He is upset when they are not (especially when it comes to other people). Difficult as it may be for him to go in time out sometimes, or do things that he doesn't want to do, he understands much better than Tyler that he has broken a rule & is paying the consequences. Just recently, it "clicked" for me as I realized I'm the same way. Rules are important to me. I was rarely punished as a child or teenager, because I followed the rules and I was more worried about my parents' opinions of me than any real consequence. Of course there were things I rebelled in. But I was very particular about what I would break or what I wouldn't. As I've gotten older, I struggle when I see others break rules, and not pay the consequences. Kids (or adults) that just trample all over expectations or think they're better than rules. I found myself in difficult situations back in Cincinnati, where I became an enforcer, and it caused a lot of conflict with the offenders or even more their parents. Then I get all worked up and am an emotional mess, because I hate conflict or hurting people's feelings, but am torn because in the back of my mind I'm thinking I'm right because the rules need to be followed. Typing this out, I sound like a nut case....I know I am, but I can't help it.

The other thing I realized this week is how passionate I am about family relations, dynamics, marriage, children, the whole kit & kaboodle. I finally realized why I was drawn to have a degree in Family Life because I care so much the things that happen within a family. I had classes in family sociology, child development, parenting, marriage classes, etc. I studied the effects of divorce on children and the atrocities that can develop without a father (or mother) in the home. I researched abortion and debated over adoption or raising children in single family homes. I know we don't live in a perfect world. I know I'm idealistic in my beliefs, but what is so wrong with that?? What is wrong with hoping and advocating for abstinence before marriage? How many problems or broken homes would be fixed with that? What is wrong with being an adoption advocate? For encouraging young ladies to think about their unborn babies future and the life they can provide for it by themselves, compared to a life that a mother & father who WANT a baby and can provide for that child. I deplore abortion. I think its the worst thing to have happened to our country. And I hate that there are so many divorces ripping apart our country because of infidelity, deceit & just giving up. I am outspoken about my beliefs at times. It is one of the only things that gets me so riled up that I will be vocal about & find it difficult to not speak my mind. But it also means I've shoved my foot in my mouth and then gone back to bed and worried about how many people I've upset. Whatever the consequences might bring, I WILL stand up and fight when it comes to protecting the family unit and doing what's best to protect children, marriage relationships & their future. . .sometimes its not always the most appropriate or sensitive way to do things, I'm still learning how to control my passionate outbursts, but I will continue to speak up. I only hope that I'm not the only one doing so.